Today I am sending off my blackberry bold for recycling (and getting some nice cash for it too). I have put this off for a few days, without really knowing why. Now I realise that this is the last link to my job that I have just quit. I have had a blackberry pinging me emails from one BB enterprise server or another for about three years straight. It feels strange to just go without that link in my purse or pocket. But the people and work that this device connected me to I really wasn't interested in at all, it was just a paycheque. But I did like feeling connected, no matter where I was, even if I didn't like who or what I was connected to (is that strange?). Maybe it was just the ease at which I could put up a convincing front of working. Because more and more that's all I seemed to be doing.
It made me think of two more things. One, that the Internet is becoming much more about push than it used to be. And so, in that sense, it is becoming much more like traditional media. I get most of my Internet fix via twitter these days, and most of it is content being pushed to me. My tweets are few and far between. Of course you can participate, but it's not really necessary. It's not like I even have to login to Flickr or hit the Guardian URL first, they come to me. If I mention someplace I've been (say, via 4square) or comment on something I'm interested in (like cycling), inevitably related content comes flying at me on twitter, whether I have asked for it or not. Usually it is something I am interested in, most of it is not spam, so I guess that's something. But somehow I feel even more pulled around and manipulated, less in control, even though I can choose which streams I want to follow.
The second thing, is that I have no idea what to do next. It's a very strange feeling. There are things I am interested in, but the strength, fearlessness and risk don't seem to appeal. I will have to spend the rest of this winter and spring testing the waters. In the meantime I will do more of what I love to do, cycling, taking pictures, cooking, eating! and hope that in a few months I won't have to turn to yet another dull job.
