circumstance blog

cheap skate

I went to the Tate Modern before my graphic design class this afternoon to soak up some atmosphere. Right now there is a really huge photography exhibit going on, which I didn't see because I didn't have the money to get in, but I did manage to leaf through the entire exhibit book in the bookshop instead. Got to see the entire show standing in one place! I actually didn't get to much of the regular collections because I spent most of my time in the shop looking through all the cool books and magazines. One thing that worries me is that most graphic design-oriented magazines and books irritate my brain. I can't look at them for too long without getting dizzy, nauseous or just plain bored. Not so of the photography books. I could look at pictures forever. I guess maybe because it's much easier to communicate through photos than through lines, icons and typography.

In the Tate's café, their fuzzy logo all over everything, even the sugar packets. It's nice up there when its not too crowded, great view of St. Paul's (although its hard to see in my photo) and the coffee isn't too expensive either.

I rode my bike today because I wrecked the scooter yet again. I took the tube earlier in the week, but I prefer to take my bike because it's faster. Also, I would rather not have to pay for the privilege to sweat like a pig when I can do it for free pedalling through town. And it's healthier because I burn more calories cycling than standing on a train. Although I'm not sure how healthy it is to be weaving through traffic at dusk without any lights on my bike. I have to remember to take those lights next time.

I just realised everything I wrote about above stresses the importance of not spending any money. Hey, I'm cheap, I admit it! But I can still have a good time.

Posted by shannon at 10:59 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

night and day

Tonight I took the dog out at dusk, and I felt like I was walking through a Magritte painting. The streetlights were on and the path and trees in the park were darkened but just above the trees the sky was still a bright pale blue, accented with pure white clouds, their undersides glowing with streaks of orange from the setting sun. It was an odd feeling of both night and day happening at the same time. Transitions are always a bit unsettling I suppose.

I haven't been taking any photos lately. I don't know exactly why, I guess I'm just not feeling very inspired. I have been getting stuff together for a graphic design and illustration course, which I am not all that excited about anymore. I'm kind of feeling like an uncreative lump at the moment, and a poor one at that. I keep day dreaming about having a nice steady dull job, just to have some work to take my mind off of the problem of figuring out what the hell I'm doing on this planet. I mean the books help, and the music helps and the running helps and the sitting in a café trying to name all 50 states in the US helps, but none of it really helps that much. I wish I could figure out a way to land some boring job. Which makes no sense, as having a boring job isn't going to solve anything. Except maybe the mounting bills problem. Bleh.

Posted by shannon at 01:02 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

NHSness

My house keys click against the specimen jar in my pocket as I walk home the 6 blocks from the surgery. The sound reminds me that I've done it! I've registered with a GP. Nevermind the permanent looking laminated sign hanging in the receptionist's window which read: "DUE TO UNFORSEEN CIRCUMSTANCES, WE ARE NOT ABLE TO PROCESS ANY NEW PATIENTS TODAY. WE APOLOGIZE FOR ANY INCONVIENCE THIS MAY CAUSE." Thank god I called first and asked if they would take me. On the phone I was grilled about my address, and then once I got there, when I pointed to my address on their map (I live well within the red tape they had laid out outlining their "coverage area"), they still stood there behind a cubicle chatting amongst themselves and shaking their heads for a good ten minutes before they finally decided to give in. While waiting I stood staring at a rather graphic poster of a man with a black eye, warning people that NHS employees "don't have to take it". The poster listed the punishments for indulging in your violent fantasies against the NHS, hoping to act as some sort of deterrent. I thought it was really sad that they had to have a poster campaign for this. While I was thinking this I heard someone shout into a phone in a really nasty tone: "I'M SORRY MISS, YOU ARE NOT REGISTERED WITH THIS SURGERY AND THEREFORE I CANNOT HELP YOU! PLEASE CALL ANOTHER SURGERY."

After I got my appointments and walked out, I felt confident that I had dealt with such an enormous bureaucracy without too much trouble. I had to insist on the fact that I was within their coverage area, even though they were wary. I think my heartiness is partially due to the training I received while attending a large university. My first time out on my own in the world I had to wait in endless lines, make countless appointments and deal with red tape just to be able to register for classes, see a doctor, pay my tuition, park my car, change rooms in my dorm and even eat in the dining hall. I thought this was the way everything in the world was: that you waited in long lines, dealt with unhelpful people who would then tell you that what you needed wasn’t their job, and then you would had to go wait in another long line somewhere else. Pay in one window then go across campus with your receipt for services to anther window. Maybe all schools operate like that on some level, but in a school the size of Rutgers, it was like living in another country. I'm glad I got something of an education there if only it was learning how to be patient and not always take "no" for an answer.

Posted by shannon at 05:23 PM | Permalink | Comments (0)

its never enough

Has anyone else ever noticed that the chime used by MSN messenger (mac OS) to signal that one of your contacts has signed on is the opening chord for "shell shock" by New Order? I swear I get that song in my head every dammed time, and yet, I can't bring myself change the settings.

This weekend was lively. I went out dancing again on Friday night, even though I really can't afford it. It's just that I enjoy the company so much, as well as the music and being out at night in the summer. It's very difficult to say no when you still have a few pounds left in your bank account. Even the cab ride home across the city with the sun just beginning to lighten the horizon is a wonderful treat.

Then Saturday I spend most of the day nursing a hangover. I don't know why I forget that drinking to excess causes bad things to happen to you the next day. Maybe because I don't do it enough! Saturday night me and Bill went to a little get together in Clapham, not too far from our house. It was cozy and nice. Meet some crazy English people, listened to cool music and nearly froze to death on the way home. I must remember that after the sun goes down it can get quite chilly on a motorcycle.

Today was boring but in a nice Sunday kind of way. Listened to npr via the web to try and create that weekendy feeling (wait wait & TAL) while having my morning coffee. Had to go pick up the scooter from somewhere in West London, so I rode on the back of the bike in the warm summer air and then back again on the scooter. There are some really big ugly buildings out that way. Went shopping, running, watched 6 Feet Under and finally got around to putting all my CDs into a huge book thing so I can throw away all their jewel cases. I don't have very many CDs anymore. I found myself wanting to listen to Summertime Rolls by Jane's Addiction for some odd reason, which I don't own it anymore. (Well I went and downloaded it of course. I would have bought it the nice and legal way through iTunes music store, but hey they won't take my money, its dirty and foreign.) That whole album (Nothing's Shocking) always makes me feel like I did the summer I listened to it a million times, and did stupid things like go skinny dipping in the ocean, half drunk, in the middle of the night. Damn that was a good summer.

Tomorrow I am meeting someone about doing a web site. I am kind of nervous about doing it because it's been a while since I actually did something like this. (Doing my own web site doesn’t count. I don’t have to follow anyone's rules, and it doesn’t have to work perfectly.) Have to get my brain back into "work" mode somehow. Rather be in the ocean floating on a surfboard waiting for a nice wave. But that’s not going to happen, not for a while anyway.

Posted by shannon at 02:12 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)

I don't know why, she swallowed the fly. Perhaps she'll die.

I spent the afternoon cleaning and organizing this massive pile of papers and crap that has been piling up. Threw away tons of resumes, sketches, and other odd stuff. I cut out some surfing photos from a magazine and hung them in the toilet. (Not INSIDE it, inside the toilet ROOM. I don't know what else to call it.) Framed some photos and put some postcards on the mantel. Made this place feel a bit more personal. (I was going to say feel a bit more lived in, but I don't think that’s possible, this place is well worn in.) Though it is difficult to create a truly personalized home in a furnished apartment. For instance, I don’t really like the framed prints of various military battlefield formations on the walls in the living room, but there is nowhere else to put them. They are a constant reminder that this place is just temporary, a small resting place on the way to where I don't know.

I went running this evening. Nothing new there. It was extremely hot today and wasn't much cooler by evening. Yet I still ran. When it's terribly hot and humid I sweat like crazy but it doesn’t matter. It actually feels good to sweat in the heat. (Well of course it does, that’s why we sweat, to cool off.) And tonight, as I was making terrific time, just getting to the edge of this long strip of pebbled path along the riverfront, I inhaled a fly! Ugh! I coughed it back up and spit it out. I felt grossed out for a second or two, but then kept going and forgot about it. This is the thing. It can be extremely hot and I can be inhaling little creatures with wings, and still I just keep going. Nothing bothers me much when I'm running along. How I wish this trait could apply to the rest of my life. Just keep going, bugs and all.

Posted by shannon at 12:00 AM | Permalink | Comments (0)